Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Hard To/Safe To Say

*inspired by my friend's life.

I find it hard to say
that I lead a life filled with pain,
prescription pills + treatments,
all aim to numb the brain...

Safe to say
my rainy nights are ironic
because neither my eyes,
nor the rainfall outside
can match the sorrow I hide.

I find it hard to say
that I don't feel like fighting
holding onto life another day.
Warding off the weakness,
and pain in the core of my bones...

Safe to say
every morning feels like jail
a life sentence under a sun god
who's given me life in Hell.
I'll never understand it...
why is my life so hard?

I find it hard to say
that I'm in a battle with cancer
I've seen Doctor after Doctor...
all with different answers.

My dilemma isn't known by my friends;
and for as long as I can help it,
none of them will ever know until the end...
So when my body's weak & balance is off,
I deal with the stares they try to hide
the unheard whispers & misguided snickers,
all for the sake of maintaining my pride.

Safe to say
My strength is waning in the physical
and my mentality is not far behind.
I just want to be pain-free in this life,
or leave pain behind & be free of this life.

I often wonder why I was dealt this hand,
but when talking to God, find it hard to say.
I see others folding to their life's demands...
and realize I'm blessed to see another day.
I find strength in the obstacles I've endured...
nothing worthwhile has ever come easy,
& it makes me appreciative of EVERYTHING
trust and believe.
Safe to say, if the question's presented to me,
about any regrets I have or unfairness in life
I'll find it hard to say anything;
I'm simply blessed to be alive.

Take What You Want...

My money...is yours. More can be made.
You can have this car, even though it's in my name.
Anything for you I've ever written, drawn or recorded?
You can have it all...
art is a giving talent, and I can afford it.
Whatever you can manage to get your hands on,
I'll instantly consider as good as gone.
Material things are nothing, you can have it from far to near.
What price can you put on love? I can't think of a number..
You can take every possession, leave nothing but tears...
I'll help you move the bed out, good luck on the slumber.
The painting of the couple sitting by the lake is free to go,
Take it right along with whatever else you get thru the door.
Take what you want, but leave my heart here.

Friday, January 8, 2010

She Lights My Desire

It might've been a sign, depending on who you ask
that I saw her on the hottest day of the summer...
Walking down Michigan Avenue in a sun dress,
straight past me...I had on cargo shorts & a v neck T.
She never broke stride...was probably unimpressed.
From then on, I vowed to always be well-dressed.

Saw her again, a few days later...same street, different avenue,
The sun was bearing mercilessly down upon the street's visitors.
She was armed with sunglasses, shorts and a face full of sweat...
The fatigue in her face silently spoke of shopper's regret...
I wanted to just offer her a taxi ride, tell her to cool off
But my wallet was on empty; so I continued to watch her walk.
It was at that moment, I promised to always have money.

Ran across her downtown the next week, much to my surprise...
the same strut, dip of the hips and seemingly effortless glide.
We were encountering each other, walking opposite directions,
and I must've been staring harder than a starving prisoner at food...
because she spoke:

"Hi...How are you?"
And I was so flustered & caught off guard, I didn't know what to do...

Then she walked away smiling...focused back on her path
I felt like a jackass who won a million bucks and had no clue,
a suddenly wealthy man who wasn't aware of his good fortune.
I decided right then & there to never get caught with nothing to say.

I'm not going to lie, my days were now dominated by thoughts of she,
fairytale dreams of we, a big house, some kids and a backyard swing...
Engulfed by her enchantment....she lights my desire.

After not seeing her for a while, I began to miss her visual beauty...
Started to wonder whether I had weirded her out finally,
Was she speaking code when she said 'Hi' to me?
Really meaning "I've noticed you looking and wish you'd get lost"?
My desire was waning...until I saw her from afar!

I took off in a light jog, didn't want to alarm her...
Determined to speak, even if I couldn't charm her,
"I just had to say something to you, I adore you...
tried to pass it off, but could no longer ignore you.
I just want to get to know you, take it from there..."

Then she stopped me...
And told me that if I wanted to get to know her,
I could walk with her to where she was going to,
and we could start from there.....Fair enough.
We walked, and small talked...joked and smiled,
finally reached the destination she was talking about.

She says: "I feel like you were destined to meet me...
so don't stop at the door, fate has intertwined us."
I was so wrapped around her finger at this point,
I may as well have been walking around w/ blinders on.
I must say, I followed behind her that day...
and it was the most important day of my life:
She lit my desire, and led me to GOD.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Snippet of some shit...

"Ain't nothin like you" bumpin while I ride thru the streets,

no longer talkin' about you; now I'm talking about ME

Used to be Mr. Do-It-All-For-You, Mr. Take-the-fall-for-you,

Mr. Sell-Myself-Short and not look in the rearview...

You trying so hard to be a standout and different,

but trust, babygirl I can show you what WEIRD do...

You got it Bad, I got it Worse...& it's merely a peer's view,

we share the same sight but I hear it with my ears too...

Can't keep trying to thread the needle with a gymshoe,
can't show her how to be a Baker if the Anita ain't official...

They Fixed The Broken Clocks...

Time loves like no other

In forgetful fashion,

Yet remembers everything.

In the blink of an eye,

Can change in an instant

Yet remain the same distance.

Time is perfect in its approach

Wound-healer to some

Hatchet-burier to others

Makes hearts grow fonder

When time is spent apart…

Time ages beautifully.

Time is flawed in its delivery

Not enough time in a day

Too much of the in-between

Some are aging prematurely

Time…Sometimes isn’t enough.

Revolutions on Repeat.

Suns rise

Children born

Days start

Lips meet

To heartbeats



Eventually leads to expectation.

Afternoon tint

Clouds views

On time spent.

Once deemed

‘Heaven Sent’

Wears thin

Like cheap jackets

Sensitive skin

And patience.

Expectation caves to reality’s weight.

Lightless nights

Shadows stretch

Where the bad

Seems far worse

The sky stretches

Onward amongst

Stars & lost dreams

Is there room

For your smile?

Not til morning…

When this night

Is all forgotten

Amidst tomorrow’s

Brand new sunrise.