Hard To/Safe To Say

*inspired by my friend's life.


I find it hard to say
that I lead a life filled with pain,
prescription pills + treatments,
all aim to numb the brain...

Safe to say
my rainy nights are ironic
because neither my eyes,
nor the rainfall outside
can match the sorrow I hide.

I find it hard to say
that I don't feel like fighting
holding onto life another day.
Warding off the weakness,
and pain in the core of my bones...

Safe to say
every morning feels like jail
a life sentence under a sun god
who's given me life in Hell.
I'll never understand it...
why is my life so hard?

I find it hard to say
that I'm in a battle with cancer
I've seen Doctor after Doctor...
all with different answers.

My dilemma isn't known by my friends;
and for as long as I can help it,
none of them will ever know until the end...
So when my body's weak & balance is off,
I deal with the stares they try to hide
the unheard whispers & misguided snickers,
all for the sake of maintaining my pride.

Safe to say
My strength is waning in the physical
and my mentality is not far behind.
I just want to be pain-free in this life,
or leave pain behind & be free of this life.

I often wonder why I was dealt this hand,
but when talking to God, find it hard to say.
I see others folding to their life's demands...
and realize I'm blessed to see another day.
I find strength in the obstacles I've endured...
nothing worthwhile has ever come easy,
& it makes me appreciative of EVERYTHING
trust and believe.
Safe to say, if the question's presented to me,
about any regrets I have or unfairness in life
I'll find it hard to say anything;
I'm simply blessed to be alive.